College.

Never really have written a blog before, never really have thought about it till now. As of right now I am a freshman at a four year university. I have grown up in a tiny little town where everybody knows everything about everyone. At first it was a little weird being here on my own, not ever having anybody telling me what to do. I just visited home last week for thanksgiving, it was great to see my fam and party with all my friends from back in high school. It definetly was weird to see some people like my ex boyfriend for instance. Its crazy to me to think back to all the stupid things that happend in high school but at the time seemed so important to me.
I think the reason I felt like starting this blog is because of this boy. I was the only one from my high school to come to my college. He actually went to my rival high school and we were friends our senior year. I took him to my senior prom as a friend but he wanted it to be more. After prom we dident talk as much becuase he liked me and he thought I hooked up with his friend. Then we discoverd we would be attending the same college so over summer we talked a bit and became friends again. I really liked having him as a friend at first, he was always funny and fun to be around. College started and we hung out almost every day, we were always together. I wasnt attracted to him at all at first and really just wanted us to be friends, and dident want our friendship to be ruined by pushing it further. After a little while we began to flirt all the time, I started to become very attracted to his personality. He became very persistant with getting me to like him, he tried everything he could and it eventually worked. He took me on a date one night and i think that was the night i really started to fall. At that time I knew i did not want a relationship, I was just starting college! Sometimes when i drink i tend to hook up with guys so i definetly didnt want to hurt him. We would kiss all the time and act like a couple pretty much without the label. One night though we talked and decided it would be best if we would just be friends with benifits and we said we could hook up with othere people we just wouldent tell eachother. This went good for a little while, at that point though i liked this kid so much and i dident even want to hook up with other guys i just wanted him. One night some of my high school friends came down to my school to visit. A long long time ago in high school my guy had a thing with one of my visiting friends. She was a little to excited to see him and they hooked up that night. I was mad but we had agreed we were aloud to get with other people so i couldent be mad at him. The next weekend i drink a little to much and wasnt talking to him becuase i was upset about the weekend before. So i went to this guys and i made out with him, to me making out isnet that big of a deal. I was with some of my guys roommates and i went back to his room with them. I know i shouldent have gone back to his room after i was with another guy but i was hammerd. His roommates told him about the other guy and he was furiouse with me. We both were drunk and got in a huge fight. Eventually after talking many times about it and not talking for weeks and hooking up when drunk, we became friends again when i asked him if he wanted a ride home for the weekend. We dident talk about anything that had happend we just talked about our lives. He has had a lot of family problems and i was always the only one there for him in college. I am in a sorority, I wont say which one but it is so much fun! We talked about sorority and school and just normal stuff. The next week at school we dident talk at all. His roommates really like me and wanted us to be together so the next weekend when i was drunk they brought me to his room. Bad idea. We hooked up but he was so so mean to me. I dont think i have ever had a guy be so mean to me before. Thats when i finally realized that i needed to stop trying with him and just give up. So now i have not talked to him since then. He told one of my friends that he knows i hate him which is kind of true. I hate how much i liked him, i hate how i let myself fall for a guy, and now i hate that i cant even be his friend. Its pretty sad. One thing that really ticks me off is when people delete you on facebook like really thats just pathetic. Last night i couldent sleep and was on facebook and decided to look at his and see how he was doing, ive made sure not to do that because i just dont want to think about him but i did it anyways. So he deleted me on facebook, then i checked instagram and he deleated me on there to. I seriously was just like fuck you. I kind of want him to just be able to see that i can be happy without him in my life. Boys just suck.

xoxo
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